That Girl Lost Her Sway

Today I decided I wanted to practice the piano; I’ve stunk lately.  I sat down and started playing.  After a half an hour I was so frustrated!  Bits of music that had always come very easily to me were jumpy and stilted.  I was tense and angry.  I had started to internally chastise myself for being such a shitty pianist; then I stopped and realized what I was doing.  I wouldn’t have thought the playing were horrid if I’d heard it coming from someone else.  I corrected that thought and reminded myself that I am a capable and somewhat accomplished pianist.  It passed through my mind that I needed to relax and let my fingers go where they knew to go.  I needed to trust myself.  When I began again I felt a peace wash over me.  The songs were flowing out the way I remember them.  My shoulders relaxed and I felt myself drifting.  I love that floaty carefree feeling!

Evidently I just needed a boost of confidence in myself.  I wanted to test the change, so when Husband returned home from work I sat down to play.  I relaxed and told myself I could play beautifully.  I made a quarter of the mistakes I usually make when someone is listening to me play (I always bomb songs when I think someone can hear me playing – I panic)!  I’m very satisfied this evening.  Husband even noticed the difference.

Oldest is working on her science project.  She’s growing crystals to show how stalagmites and stalactites form.  I’m happy it’s actually all her project; minimal advice from me.  I’m proud of her.

Youngest began gymnastics again today.  She’s a natural.  The teacher used her as an example of how to do a round off.  She nailed it, beaming at me.  Very proud of this kiddo too.

I’m totally sore from the exercise yesterday.  It’s between good-work-out pain and damn-it-that-hurts pain.  I’m going to let myself recover then try it again on Monday.

I’m so excited about my new found confidence.  I have my sway!

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~ by blanketgirl on January 29, 2010.

One Response to “That Girl Lost Her Sway”

  1. Good girl! Tell that bully what’s what!

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