So Sad

I feel like shit.  This morning I woke up and could feel every cell in my body, and they were each individually screaming in agony, in unison.  I could barely walk.

Oldest had a doctor appointment early this morning.  That was sheer torture.  Not only did every movement feel like an entire body charlie horse, but I had to drive with that sensation.  Horrible!

I was supposed to take the girls to a movie after the appointment but I couldn’t manage it.  Instead I bribed them with watching a movie at home while eating copious amounts of their favorite snacks; all I wanted in return was to sleep.

I managed to get about an hour nap in.  After that I just couldn’t get comfortable.  When everything is this tender, I just can’t function.

What the fuck is going on with my body?  The last few months I had been so excited because I could feel a flare coming on.  I felt like I could predict it and prepare.  Now I’ve been thrown off track by this consistent flare.  It changes in intensity from day to day, but it won’t leave.

I’m having crying jags and am extra emotional.  I can’t wait  for this to pass.  I always just hope that the day after my misery will be less miserable.

You know the worst part?  I don’t feel like my family is working with me right now.  My kids are having a bit of a sassy spell and Husband was in a dark mood when he got home from work.  I just need the emotional side of things to stay calm to balance the physical.  Oh well.

Good news….oh yes.  I am going to see Tori three times!  I was able to purchase my tickets for the show in my city, as well as seeing two shows in another country with my sis and Weasel.  I couldn’t be more excited.  I’m practically salivating.  I was talking with Ezekiel and we realized that the last time we saw Tori together was in 1996 while Oldest was still in utero.  So now we get to see Tori again, almost exactly thirteen years later.  This trip to see Ezekiel and Weasel is what’s keeping me going right now.  I just have to make it to August.

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~ by blanketgirl on June 3, 2009.

One Response to “So Sad”

  1. Distance makes this so incredibly frustrating. I want so desperately to DO something for you. I totally could have taken the kids to the cinema and fed them lunch after so you could have napped the entire time.

    I’m putting good vibes out for you and I love you.

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