I Hold Tight

Today I spent most of my time feeling ill and lying on the couch.  Thank goodness for comfy sofas.  Oldest didn’t go to school today as her tummy was hurting, so we rented “The Uninvited”.  It was an interesting movie.  Many cheap shot scares, the sort that jump at you and make you crap your pants, but otherwise aren’t really that scary.  I need to watch it again tomorrow now that I know the twist.

Tomorrow my piano comes back to me.  I’m so excited.  The piano man called and said that she’s ready to go home.  I love that he considers her a part of my family.  We joked that she’s had enough of this out of body experience.  Tomorrow will be spent watching her be reassembled and then I will play her until my hands cramp up and curl into balls.

This evening Husband asked me about my visit with the pain doctor yesterday.  Due to my intense writhing on the couch, he was hoping I’d have the increase in morphine to help me through the night.  I explained to him how the doctor couldn’t prescribe the additional three pills I’d requested because it would be too swift of an increase for nonmalignant pain.  Husband’s eye started to twitch and he flexed his fingers in and out.  “I’d like to find this guy and stick a knife in his bladder and see how comfortable he feels after that.  This is bullshit.  You need help.  Why won’t he help you?  This man is not a pain doctor.  He doesn’t even begin to understand chronic pain.”  I explained what the doctor had told me, then assured him that I’d make due for another month.  I’ll just go to the ER if I need to.  Husband asked we abandon the conversation.  It was making him too mad.  He can’t stand to see me like this.  I wish there were something he or I could do to make this better.  It’s hard to be sick, but it’s just as difficult to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to help.

I wonder if the doctor were able to see me when I’m at my worst, if he would reconsider?  I assume no, because he’d most likely think I were faking.  This is the down side to having a somewhat rare illness.  It’s just not that understood.  Bummer.


~ by blanketgirl on May 14, 2009.

One Response to “I Hold Tight”

  1. I agree with husband in this regard.

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