Little Sweet Stories

Today I worked on the laundry and actually finished it all in one day, folding too.  I’m so proud of myself!  I also had youngest help with household chores.  Oldest is off at a the home of her best friend spending her second night there.  My Mom never let me stay two nights in a row.  I’m such a cool Mom. 🙂

I spoke to my Mom tonight for about two hours.  God love her.  She really is a good person.  We just have very different ways of communicating.  She talked to me about the past and told stories of who I used to be.  I appreciate her memories.  I know that they happened because she wouldn’t lie; but here’s the thing, I just don’t remember it or if I do, I don’t think about it.

I live here in the present.  I actively participate in my life the way I want to for now.  It could change tomorrow.  As a  child and a teenager, I was still myself but testing my own limits.  Everyone does that (I think).  It’s how I finely honed my personality.

Mom brought up quite a few things that I’m not sure what to do with.  Shall I apologize?  Shall I pretend it wasn’t said and move on?  Why must this giant whale still live in my room?  Hasn’t that metaphorical bastard died yet?

I gently explained to her that she needed to stop bringing past events up; even if it happened yesterday.  The reason I need this is because I live my life as a puppy does.  I live in the present.  You can’t rub my nose in the carpet twenty years after the initial piss.  I won’t understand it, the punishment will confuse me and I’ll just wonder why the fuck I’m being shouted at.  Simply put I can’t change anything back there.  It’s over.

I challenge everyone to loose the binding past.  It can’t be rewound.  It can’t be changed.  No amount of apologies or penance will effect it.  Cherish who you are, how you grew, appreciate the past.  Just don’t live there or force others to.

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~ by blanketgirl on March 28, 2009.

One Response to “Little Sweet Stories”

  1. I think we need a constutitional statute of limitations on all guilt other than our own ….

    … and you’re right, remember the past and learn from it, but don’t live in it, don’t constantly rake it over and try and second guess an action you can’t change anymore, don’t use it as a stick to beat people with for years afterward.

    I can see wanting an apology, I can see someone offering some reasonable way to make something right … not a decade on though (so to speak) statute of limitations! :P. The only thing a hurt held close and cherished for that long gives you is ulcers.

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