These Jeans With Her Name on Them

So, I have been absent.  I promise I haven’t disappeared, I just haven’t been present for all the events I’d like to capture in this…entry.  I sometimes wish for a tiny video camera that I could hold in my hand and record the happenings of the day.  That way they would have no spin on them based on my mood, and I could actually decifer all the messages. 

I’ve decided this: people are puzzles.  They hand you pieces through conversation or message, and expect us in general to decifer the meaning.  I find this so strange.  If I need someone, I call them and tell them I need them.  If I’m lonely I call my friends and tell them I’m lonely.  I’ve been so confused recently.  I became aware of the fact that not everyone deals this way.  Sometimes people are cryptic on purpose.  What is that?  A challenge?  A sign that I’m not picking up on that they don’t want my input?  Or maybe a sign that they need me?  Just SAY IT!

I’m trying to sort my life.  I do this every day when I wake up.  I decide what to tackle and when.  I find that as I get older, more and more people ‘slip’ by me.  I can’t keep up with their lives and their situations because said situations arise and are resolved so quickly I don’t have time to adapt. 

I swear this isn’t a downer.  I think this is brilliant.  I have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome officially.  Should I tell my family and friends?  Should I let it be nothing?  Yes.  There is no good to come of me telling others that I have a problem.  Sidenote: How would it be to talk and not hide personal issues?  Just speak freely?  Question:  Is this really a problem so to speak?  Anyway…

I’m okay with everything.  The knowledge is important.  It fills in many blanks about the way I behave.  I’ve had this guilty being hovering over me my whole life, asking me for explanations.  Shut up being!  I’m good here.  I just need the rest of the world to chime in and say what they think and not hide behind all the pomp and circumstance.  I’m not sure if that will ever happen, but I am the eternal optimist.

So, in summary, Asperger’s syndrome is no big deal.  Who is to say that this isn’t just evolution?


~ by blanketgirl on June 4, 2008.

One Response to “These Jeans With Her Name on Them”

  1. Goddamn can’t we go one week without getting a new label!?

    I’m sending you an e-mail. Know I love you and I promise to always be direct with you and will do my best to not be a puzzle.

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