We’ll See How Brave You Are

I’ve been thinking on the concept of ‘knowing’ vs. ‘intention’.  I’m involved with this court case; we’re in deliberations.  We’re being asked to decide if the person involved knowingly and/or intentionally committed said crime. 

Determining another beings mental state is not something I feel qualified to do.  Nor do I feel that any of my fellow jurors are qualified.  I brought up the point; and oh my, I was wrong.  People do have strong opinions when they make their minds up and yes! they are perfectly capable; why, the law has instructed it.  Pardon my sarcasm.  I thought this was a fair and impartial process, yet it appears as though some had made up their minds at the onset.  Tomorrow will hopefully be the final day.  I still haven’t made up my mind 100%.

On a different note; I received good news today.  This morning before jury duty I had the tests my new doctor recommended.  I have finally been diagnosed with a chronic illness.  I have very mixed feelings about this.  On one hand I’m so happy that I know what is wrong.  For years I have thought that I was crazy.  The doctors would examine me and come back with a diagnosis of ‘Shut up you whack job, x-rays are clear.’ 

On the other hand I now have a complete diagnosis, with an ‘Atta boy, you’re a tank!” from the office staff and doc.  Apparently I need to open a sideshow act where I can demonstrate my ability to ignore pain.  Hah!  I still haven’t digested everything about the disorder, but the treatment starts with changing my diet, taking three pills a day, and a surgical procedure once every three months until I can obtain pain relief.  After discovering this, I’m debating – perhaps I prefer the pain.  

I can’t help but think about my sweet sister who is suffering right now.  I wish they could give her a ‘pain plan’.  Her disorder is auto immune, just like mine.  The body is such a crazy thing when it comes to auto immune.  So healthy we’re hurting ourselves.

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~ by blanketgirl on February 4, 2008.

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