Religious Religion

Ah, Sunday.  The day I try to sleep in, try to ignore 6 am waking/fighting/breathing of my kiddos, and dream of someone else making breakfast.  I can try all I want, but instead it’s the same reality.  I wake up, do laundry, make breakfast and soothe fights.  Then I settle in for my weekly self inflicted guilt trip where I try to decide if I will go to church.

I was raised in a highly religious family.  They really love religion and piety.  I mean really.  Once I moved out of my parents house, I realized that I was free.  Free to choose to not go to church if I didn’t want to.  I could drink beer, smoke pot and have random sex with myself and others all day if I felt like it.  I was an adult now, making my own choices and such.  Guilt could not touch me. 

Unfortunately I was not strong enough.  I’m very well tuned to feeling others’ disappointment in me.  Nothing would darken and infuriate my mother more than the shock and insult of discovering I hadn’t attended services.  I mean an angry, ugly “How dare you!” sort of attitude followed by “My word!  What will the neighbors think?”.  Can you imagine how her skin would’ve peeled back from her skull if she knew how I’d been filling that Sunday?

I still get ulcer-like symptoms when it comes to religion.  I finally decided I would compromise with my inner demons and go once a month.  This calms the beast of guilt and allows me to enjoy my decadent desires later in the day…

Now, as I dress my children for church and do my hair, I wonder what it would be like to choose religion on my own.  Would I feel this guilty?  Would I have selected this type of worship?  Do I know what I like to worship?  Do I want to worship anything?  Am I bad if I don’t know?


~ by blanketgirl on January 20, 2008.

One Response to “Religious Religion”

  1. Remember ‘Are you there god, it’s me Margaret’? If memory serves, she went to every church service she could in an effort to find the right one.

    If you feel you need religion of some sort in your life, I’d say go to all of them. Have a go, talk to the priest, rabbi, leader, teacher… research all of them and then follow your heart.

    If you find then that none of them work, create your own. Make a point of having religious study on Sundays with the kids, read different sacred texts together and create understanding and build bridges.

    Ultimately, religions tend to teach the same thing – love your neighbour, treat everyone with respect, improve yourself, take care of your family, seek knowledge. It just adds the community element when you worship together.

    I’ve created my own little collection of beliefs, they keep me comforted, calm and they get me through the night and in the end that’s all anyone can ask for.

    Also, I’d love to hear your thought on religion vs spirituality. I always felt that the two were very different things, I’m not religious, but I am spiritual.

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